Is Your Relationship Really Over?

Published: 17th August 2006
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Relationships, are the best of times are complex conundrums. From whether you'll walk up the rose-strewn path with your partner to whether the robust romance is still present, certain questions keep plaguing the mind when you hitch your lot with another person. However, the most important, and, of course, heartbreaking question is whether your relationship has outlived its time. Irrevocable breakdown in communication, too many irreconcilable differences, lack of intimacy, etc. are some issues that many relationships have to deal with. Some overcome these problems, while others flounder. The trick, however, is to recognise the signs that portend the end of a relationship.

Communication Capers

The basis of any relationship is communication; the ability to share one's feelings and thoughts and the security that there's someone who'll listen to you. When this security is breached, a couple often feels that there's nothing to talk about. There's a feeling of claustrophobia that you can't combat unless you step out of each other's way. This is also the time when squabbles over minor issues escalate into bitter arguments. A forgotten chore or a wet towel on the bed assumes gigantic proportions of no return. The communication breakdown is so complete that you and your partner may not even return each other's calls.

Niggling Negativity

Remember when you were basking in the first flush of love, how you'd constantly talk about your partner, and always in glowing terms? Unfortunately, that may not be the case anymore. If it is the beginning of the end for your relationship, then you probably either avoid talking about your partner, or whenever you do, you only criticise him/her. Your friends only hear a litany of complaints, as you only highlight his/her ills. Grouses and grievances pertaining to your partner are now commonplace conversation pieces for you. And this is a big giveaway about your relationship being on an extremely rocky patch. Negativity also entails reliving past painful moments constantly, either with your partner, or friends as well as making negative comments about the other person's physical appearance, like how they've gained weight or look sloppy, etc.

Absolute Avoidance

When you love someone, you want to be with that person - emotionally, physically, sexually. If you suddenly find that you are deliberately avoiding your partner, perhaps your relationship is on the path of no return. Rather than fight about the same old issues, you deem it better to just avoid the person, and thereby the fights. At times, the lack of intimacy is so pronounced that you can't stand the touch of the other person. Forget sex, even routine cuddling is ruled out. And sex, or intimacy, is vital for the survival of any relationship as it makes the other person feel wanted and desired. When a couple starts sleeping separately, they need to rethink on whether their relationship can be salvaged at all.

Memory Mania

Your memory is a treacherous animal. And at times it unveils what you really feel about your relationship. If, even unconsciously, you want to end your relationship, you may find that you are forgetting important dates, occasions, previously planned dinners or dates etc. Most often, you consciously want to forget dates that are associated with your relationship. When this happens, it doesn't bode too well for your relationship.

Alternate Attraction

This is the best giveaway that your relationship may just be beyond salvation. When your partner, or you finds someone else who occupies all your waking hours (or even sleeping ones), it is a dangerous sign. A passing flirtation is one thing, but a sustained relationship is quite another. And then when neither of you wants to make the effort to save your relationship, by either ending the 'outside' attraction ar at least talking about it, your relationship may well be over. If you find someone else who is more interesting, whom you'd rather talk to than your partner, then may be it is time for you to bid goodbye to your current partner.

Relationships are definitely not finite. And their problems are not absolute either. Every obstacle can be overcome, if the attention is there. So, never mind what the signs proclaim, with a little bit of effort and heartfelt initiative, your relationship just may reach the happily-ever-after stage...

Michael Douglas is a relationship expert who offers long distance relationship tips and helps couples dealing with the problem of relationship insecurity and fear of intimacy in relationships.

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